Plans, plans and more plans

I am Big Sister with Big Brothers/Big Sisters- today I was supposed to get together with my "Little" S. and her former "Big" M. here are the various scenarios of what my day might have looked like:

Plan A: drive to S.'s house pick her up and drive to park to meet up with M. for a few hours then M. would drive S. back home after I left to prepare to the "Celebration of Praise" church this evening.

Plan B: called S. last night to discuss the fact that the interstate between her house and mine is down to 1 lane due to construction and it will 1 (one) hour each way to pick her up and get to the park- perhaps we should reschedule. S is not home, so I left a message. Left a message for M. too since M is out of town and she has a longer drive to take S. home after our outing. When I got home last night at midnight (silent auction for FTGA was so much fun), S. had left a message that her grandparents would drive her over and we could still go to the park and would I please call her when I got the message. Being that it was midnight, I decided not to call and I wrote her an email that said I was fine with the plan but would she confirm that her grandparents would be taking her home.
Got a call from S. at 7 am this morning (before I left for the shower and church), saying that her grandparents would bring her over and take her home. We discussed her calling M. to confirm the change in plans. I expected her to be at my house at 12:30 in the afternoon.

Plan C: I got home from church and started doing some laundry and things around the house before S. arrived. The agreed upon times comes and goes. I know they don't have a cell phone, so no way to confirm that they are on their way and just stuck in construction traffic. At some point, I go out to the car to put my cell phone on the charger- cell phone is in the car since I don't really use it unless I am out driving. I notice there is a message that came through at 11:21 am. A message from S., she is not coming over as M. can not make it, so there is no reason to see me (my translation and feelings over the message- not her words). Needless to say, I am disappointed. I want to see S. before I leave for Guatemala, but it will not happen now as she is busy next weekend.

I am not really sure what to do at this point- Little Bug is coming home June 1st, there will be no outings with S. for at least 1-2 months after he comes home. We have previously discussed this scenario and the plan was that her grandparents would have to bring her over- I am not sure this will happen. Yes, they could be reading this, these are my feelings on the situation. Yes, we need to talk about it, but with me leaving in 8 days, I see absolutely no time when we will be able to do this, since S. is committed to other things next weekend.

Plan D: reality- I spent the afternoon packing Little Bug's suitcase, agonizing over what toys to bring for him, what clothes to take- do I need to take clothes, will I get the ones he still wears back from the foster family? I did laundry, cooked some meals for the first weeks we are home and got them into the freezer. And, I wondered if being a "Big" is going to actually work once the Little Bug comes home.

This seems to be the cycle for S and me. We are both very busy, and there are few times that our schedules line up. My personal feeling is that there is a lot of emotions going on in S. over this change to our relationship and since M. has come back in to the pictures, she has a way to avoid the situation. She commented last time we were out that I am the serious one she can talk to and M. is the fun one. I am not sure I am willing to continue like this. BB/BS is designed as a mentoring program- it not all about the fun times, it is about providing a relationship that models behavior that will help the little to navigate through life with positive results. There are fun things to do, YES, but that is the goal of BB/BS. I fell like it has become "what fun are we going to do". It is not about just getting together and talking, it is about "what event are you taking me to, what are you going to buy me, what am I getting out of this"? We had plans on Mother's Day weekend (Saturday) to go out to the zoo, some of my friends were going to go too, they cancelled and when S. found out, she made other plans.
Why am I even stressing over this- S. is a teenager, she is making choices- her choices just happen to hurt. Maybe I just need to call her and tell her that I can not do this any more and let it go? Thoughts?


EDITED: 9:14 pm
I talked to some wonderful ladies at church tonight about the situations with S. today. Thank God for experienced moms. They let me know that it is good for S. to be moving into peer group relationships more than family and close friends and that I just need to be there to talk with her when she needs me to talk to her. So while I am still sad that we missed this last day as just the 2 of us before the Little Bug comes home, I am glad that S. feel comfortable enough to voice that the changes in the outing were not what she wanted and for her to feel comfortable to say that she was canceling. She is a wonderful, beautiful young lady and I forgot that she has an opinion too and her voice is the most important in this relationship.

Love to you all,
Momma Bug