Saturday, May 31, 2008

One year since homecoming- Sunday

On 01Jun2007, Bug and stepped off the plane in Houston and cleared immigration and become an American family, 6 hours later, we landed at home and joined the rest of our extended family.

These are some pictures from that day-

coming up the escalator in the airport- My dad, sister and her family met us at the bottom, my friends were waiting at the top.

Bug meeting every one. He is wearing a shirt that says "worth the wait" because he was and is so worth the wait.

In Houston, getting our luggage- the first true smile we saw from him. He liked the luggage cart, heck, he still likes carts.

A TU in Guatemala before boarding the plane home. This is about 6 am.

Worn out on Friday, 31May20047. Mireya and Susi left the hotel and Bug had a complete melt down- he screamed and pulled at the door for a good 30-45 minutes before just crashing out in exhaustion. He slept all night and got up bright and early to start the journey home.

This year has been even more of an adventure than the 15 months of the adoption process. I think being a family is always an adventure. But this year, there have been so many times that I have grown. I still struggle being a single parent, Bug still struggles with adjustments, but we are getting to a point where I can see what is just our personalities versus what is an adoption issue.

There was an awesome post this week I read from a father whose child was adopted, it contrasted how another parent might see a behavior versus how he views his child's behavior. everything is filtered through "is this an issue from the adoption"?. That is where I am- there are things i recognize as being toddler behavior, but there are additional layers on those behaviors that could be related to the adoption. I struggle with knowing which is which and then determining if we need help in dealing with those issues.

There is a group of friends I have whose children have come home, or will come home as toddlers and from the emails lately, I think we are all dealing with the same issues- toddler behaviors with adoption issues on top of it. It is so hard, but at the same time, again this group is showing me that I am not alone and what I am dealing with is something that others are dealing with. I take the emails and look for the same things in Bug's behaviors so that I can get us the intervention that we need for Bug to be all he can be. This is the reason that at this time Bug will be an only child, i need to focus on these issues and help Bug get through them before I can add to the issues by bringing another child into the family.

Bug is thriving, though. He is a happy little boy, who loves his cars, loves his animals (he got a rat and guinea pig today (stuffed toy animals only), he loves his Momma and he loves his family. He continues to amaze em with his intelligence and his capacity to learn and accept changes. He has gone through so much in the last year, he is amazing.

There are some other thoughts running through my mind, but they are so jumbled that they will not make sense, so I am signing off for the evening.

Love and hugs to you,

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Interrupting the stroll down memory lane

Bug and I headed to the park this evening. We had a dentist appointment in the later afternoon that did not go well. My teeth are cleaned, Bug's are not. Ms Patti told us that next dentist visit Bug's teeth have to be cleaned- not that there is anything wrong with them now, just that the dentist needs to see that there are no cavities, or issues. She did tell me that I am doing the right thing by brushing Bug's teeth each day and no bottles in the bed.

Bug was crying at the dentist- not from them doing anything but just being asked to open his mouth for the dentist. So I thought a trip to the park would make him feel better.

I got some incredible pictures of Bug - I am in awe of how well they turned out, I never get these types of pictures without begging Bug to hold still or taking 100 pictures just to get a few that I like. This time, each face shot was the first shot I took.

I look at these pictures and I see the face of LOVE.

I love my little Bug - seriously I am overwhelmed by these pictures and I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I am Bug's Momma.

Love and hugs.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

One year ago (Thursday)

One year ago on Thursday, Bug and I had our embassy appointment. It was the only day during the trip that Mireya and Susi were not with us through the day. I don't think Bug knew what to do without them.

Our embassy appointment was in the morning and at noon we left for an afternoon visit to Antigua with 4 other families.

This is the confused face I saw on our trip to Antigua- I think Bug was either remembering the trip in Dec 2006 or was wondering where his family was.

Our little family, Mam, Bug and Momma- Bug is still looking for the family he was losing.

Carlos, Mireya, Nigua, Susi and Karla came to dinner. It was unfortunately the last time Bug would see Popi.

I can only imagine what emotions were going on in Popi Carlos, I can not imagine how hard this was for him, for Mireya and for the girls. I do know that there are not enough words to express to them how much their love for Bug is appreciated and how much gratitude I owe them for the love they gave Bug.

They had a great time playing, it was so good to see that Bug smiles and laughs.

I know these posts the last few weeks have been introspective and have brought back lots of emotions from that time. I know that Bug and I were meant to be a family, I know I prayed throughout the process for Bug to have a strong male role model in his life (Popi Carlos), I know that I would walk this path again even knowing all I know now. I know that Bug suffered a loss, that Mireya, Carlos and the girls suffered a loss, and can not ignore the price adoption takes on us all.

But I know this, Bug is my son and I love him more then I ever could imagine. He is the reason I get up, the reason I fall asleep, he is the life I waited for, prayed for, begged for. One day, I will watch him walk out my door, a young man off to find his way in the world. I hope that by honoring those who loved him first and encouraging him to love them and know them, that we all will be the support he needs to be the best man he can be- to be secure in his past so he can face the future.

Bug is my precious gift, so priceless, so perfect, so wonderful.

Love to you,

One year ago today (Wednesday)

One year ago today, I waited in a hotel room- the baby lounge at the Marriott for Bug to arrive with my agency rep (Rafeal), Mireya, his foster mother and Susi, his sister.

I know I just wanted the whole thing to be over, I just wanted to be done with the adoption and done with the drama of dealing with the lawyer and the process. But I also knew that Mireya, Carlos and their family had very different emotions, they were preparing to say good bye to their Nene.

One picture- sadness, confusion and a glimmer of happiness- That is the picutre of adoption, that is the truth- One person is happy, one person is confused and one family is grieving.

Bug will be home one year on 01Jun- there is still a sense of loss, there is still the grief, there is still the underlying sadness, but from the loss comes joy, from the sadness there is happiness, from the pain there is healing.

Bug knows he is loved by his Momma and Momi, Popi, Susi, Karla and Nigua. He knows they are just a phone call away. He knows they are in Guatemala and he will see them again. He also knows that his Momma is right here and we are a family forever.

Love to you,
Deb and Bug

Monday, May 26, 2008

memorial Day Weekend- Friday and Saturday

I have to split the post into 2 separate posts due to the number of pictures. We had a busy Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Monday was quiet- which Bug and I needed.

So lets start in the middle- Saturday"

We went over to see Pap and Mam in the morning- we picked Mam up to go buy more flowers for her garden and Bug decided to help Pap lay sod by the sidewalk.

I was laughing the entire time- words that come out of my mouth when working with Bug were coming out of Pap's mouth the entire time. At least I know it is not a mom thing, but a toddler thing. Bug insisted on putting the dirt in the area- Pap was determined to keep the dirt off the sidewalk.

Saturday afternoon we headed out for a picnic with the single moms. This is the same park that we went to in August 2007 and Bug refused to get near the horses. On the way to the park, he asked if he could ride a horse. I was not confident that he would ride a horse, but he DID!!!

Jim, Bug, Momma and Rosie the horse

Bug rode the little tractor with Pap

He rode the big tractor with Mam and Momma

He woke Pap up (he was resting while we went on the big tractor ride.

And Bug stood with the big girls hoping they would play with him (no luck, the girls ran away from him). Poor Bug, he was the youngest there- none of his little friends made the outing this time, so Bug was really alone in his age group. I am glad we were at the farm so there were things to distract him.

Like ICE CREAM!!! Bug loves this push pop. He also decided that he needed to paint his face with it. Oh my gosh.

Friday Morning, the new windows arrived!!! So while I worked, the installers put the windows in. It was a cool, rainy days, so I sat in the house and froze while I worked. Thankfully the installers finished 2 hours early and I had planned for a 1.2 day at work.

Auntie Lulu brought Bug home around 12:30 and Bug laid down to take a nap- which left me some extra time to work.
You can see what else I worked on over the weekend in the previous post. Sunday's duel birthday party will be posted Tuesday night.
Life was restful and wonderful this weekend. I am not sure if it that Bug is getting older and more able to speak his wants or if it that after nearly a year of being a mom, I am more relaxed, but life is good right now for us.
We hope you had a restful weekend.
Love and hugs to you,
Deb and Bug

Big Boy Room part 1- painting

I started painting Bug's big boy room on Friday night- first lots of taping, then the first cut in of the "alien green" paint.

I got to use a chalk line for the first time- OH MY GOSH- I love it. how have I painted for 12 years without a chalk line?

One coat of paint in each square- this is around 10;30 pm on Friday (I painted until midnight).

3 coats total (the circle is a reflection from a mirror), tape off - on Saturday morning.

Bug checking out the color so far- his thoughts? 1. No pictures Momma and 2. I LOVE IT!!!! Over and over he kept saying it.

thinking about it some more and still loving it.
Saturday night- tape moved so I can begin painting the "galactic blue" color on the wall
Both squares cut in

One coat on and rest- this about 10 pm on Saturday night

2 coats on the wall, ready to pull tape off on Sunday (it only took 2 coats)

2 coats on the wall at 11 pm on Saturday and a view that the other walls are cream. so just one accent wall. The drapes are cream right now, but I am thinking about what to do with them. Bug now has a room darkening shade on the window, but I still like the look of drapes- and it helps cut down on drafts in the winter.

So that is my big work project for the weekend. the room painted. Bug will not actually move into the room until later this summer- part of his birthday celebration will be moving to the room. His bed is now in the room and we'll start with nap time in the big boy bed. I think the transition will go slowly, which give me time to clean out the closet shelves and get things organized for him.

I will post pictures from our outing with the single moms (Saturday afternoon), Koki and Jason's birthday party (Sunday) later this evening under a new post.

Right now Bug woke up from his nap and we have to go pick up mam and pap for some dinner and play time with them.

Love and hugs to you all,