Pictures and some venting

I can't get the pictures rotated correctly- maybe someone out there knows how. These were taken by a friend from TX who stopped in to say hi. I love them because Little Bug and I are both smiling. Usually he is laughing away and when I pull out the camera, he stops or turns away. But, this time we were laughing together and she caught the joy. Thanks S, D, and B for stopping by and for taking and sending these pictures to me.



If you don't want to listen to me vent- stop here
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I have been thinking and thinking of a positive way to say what I want to say and I just can't figure out a way, so I am just going to lay it out there.

I am so upset with my agency and lawyer right now. So many little things have piled up through Little Bug's adoption and they have just reached the point that I can't take it, I can't remain positive and upbeat about certain behaviors/actions. It is costing me too much emotionally. So here is the story from my side (understanding full well there are 2 sides to every story).
March 2006
1. I got Little Bug's referral when he was 7.5 months old, in March 2006. At the time the average timeline for FTIA was 4-6 months from referral to pick up. So March to September, worse case scenario- a Christmas pick up trip, as I planned it out.
2. I was told that his birth mother made an adoption plan for him when he was almost 4 month old
3. Every document I have from his referral packet shows a December 2005 fax date- there are no signed and dated documents in my packet. (*)
4. When I asked for pictures from December to March- I was told there were none- the only pictures they had were the pictures from referral which were from December.
5. My referral packet indicated that Little Bug's birth mother was not from Guatemala- i questioned whether this would cause any delays and I was told NO.
May-September 2006
6. As the case started being delayed in Family court, I asked if my case was in Family Court 3- notoriously anti-adoption. I was told that NO case with FTIA goes through that court, the lawyers know how to avoid it.
7. After 12 weeks in FC (when others were in and out in under 4 weeks), I was told that the issue was the US embassy- that the birth mother's document were expired and they needed updated documents and her birth country was the delay reason for delay.
8. After 18 weeks, our case exited FC and we spent another 4 weeks in translation and then into PGN- according to what I was told, I had Pre-approval before entering PGN (this is a US embassy document).
Late October/Early November 2006
9. At week 8 in PGN, I started calling FTIA for an update. I was not given to my coordinator any of the 3 times I called and in fact one of the times, the phone was not placed on hold and I heard someone say "It is Deb Cole, what do I tell her, who can take her call."- huge RED flag.
10. I contacted SJI (adoption Supervisors ) that night for their take on my timeline.
11. I finally was told my coordinator was no longer with the program and that my lawyer said our case had been mistaken sent to investigations but it was resolved and I was going back into PGN the next week.
November 12th 2006
12. I hired SJI- they told me that Little Bug's birth mother had given birth to a second son and she had denounced the adoption and that our file was pulled mistakenly and we were still in investigations. They also indicated that I was in PGN before the date indicated by the lawyer based on my case number. The indicate that the file was almost immediately in investigations- not under review in PGN.
13. December 6th, SJI reports that the judge in investigations has signed off and our case is going back to PGN. Lawyer has told FTIA that I was back in PGN as of October- they go with that info.
14. December 12, our file is back on the reviewers desk in PGN
15. December 13, she kicks out because the judge did not provide the document indicating the resolution of the investigation. She leaves for Christmas vacation.
16. FTIA lets me know that I am back in PGN as of Decmber 15th. I ask for the Kick out date- no response. I then provide all the emails from SJI showing that the case has been in investigations since Sept/Oct 2006. I ask that the December 15th date be removed from my adoption tracker since I know I am dealing with a KO and there is no way the case is with the reviewer. No action taken.
17. I visit Little Bug December 27-December 31. During the visit, I see some potential medical issues and once home and having confirmed with an International Adoption Doctor, I ask that my concerns be followed up by some blood work and an exam. The exam is done- everything is fine. I am told the blood work was done and is fine, but I never see the results from the testing.
January 2007-March2007
18. The judge who needs to sign the document so the file can be put back in PGN is on a 2.5 month vacation. She did not sign the document before she left, there is no one who can sign for her. I sit waiting while my lawyer continues to tell FTIA that I am in PGN with the file being reviewed. I continue to tell my coordinator that his info is not true and I ask repeatedly to have the December 15 date removed.
During this time, I begin to wonder if the adoption will ever complete- if it doesn't what will become of Little Bug? I know that he could be taken to an orphanage, I wonder if his first family would adopt him? I never ask, for fear that they will indicate that they were just waiting for him to never be referred (some sort of waiting period)- I don't know what process there is. I still will not ask- to scared to know the truth, but knowing that they love him with every fiber of their being and no one would have allowed him to go to an orphanage.
March 1, 2007
19. The judge signs the document and the case is resubmitted to PGN
20. March 6th, case back on the reviewer's desk. lawyer tells FTIA that we are back in pGN. Again I ask for the KO date since he has been telling them that I was back in PGN since December 15, 2006. No response.
21. Mid March, SJI tells me that the case has been signed by the first reviewer and it is now in Mr. Barrios' office (the director of PGN)
22. April 23, FTIA calls to tell me that my case was signed off by PGN and the adoption is approved. I email SJI immediately, I will not believe it until they confirm it. The confirmation comes later that morning.
May 28- June 1, 2007
23. Arrive for pick up, Little Bug's first family is disrespected in front of me, my mom and the agency staff by the lawyer's associate. I am given the pick up packet that indicates that Little Bug has been with his first family since he was 1 day old, not 4 months old like I was lead to believe at referral. Overwhelmed with the information and let it go while I am in Guatemala.
24. Mid June, 2 weeks after arriving home, contact FTIA will my concerns and the basic line of issues- like here. I am told that someone will follow up.

25. Late July- ask about my issues at the FTIA reunion picnic, I am told by the former program director "your coordinator did not always know what she was talking about, you can't believe everything she told you". yes, you read that statement correctly- I don't think there is anything I need to say here- it is just unbelievable.

26. Mid August- receive an email from the current program director that she will get with me at the end of the week about my concerns, she has been helping families with medical concerns and processes that have gone on a long time. She never gets back to me. I want to say to her- I was the family with medical concerns, I still have never received results on my questions, I was the family in process- 3x longer than the average time when I started- no one cared then.
I feel like I am being told- "your son is home, why are you asking these questions- let it go".

Well, I can't let it go, the lawyer was not honest about the case, FTIA had documentation in December that what he was saying was not in agreement with other information- no one pushed for information. They knew my understanding of Little Bug's first few months- I had posted it multiple times over the course of the process on the agency's board when talking to other families- they should have corrected me. If the coordinator I had was known to not give accurate information, then when she left, an effort should have been made to contact the families and determine what information they had that was not correct. More importantly, they should have addressed the issue of incorrect information long and I never should have been told what I was told at the picnic- because I certainly have no confidence in any information that I get now. I had to hire SJI during the process and I ma preparing to hire some more help to get additional answers. I never should have had to do this. With the caliber and reputation of FTIA, the moment I had concerns, they should have been addressed. I have lost all faith that I will ever get a straight answer from them in regards to the information from the lawyer. I have lost faith in FTIA. If I had the money to pursue another international adoption, I would be very hesitant to work with FTIA, and I most definitely would never accept a referral from my lawyer.
I feel like such an idiot, I championed this lawyer on FTIA's board, I gave him the benefit of the doubt when things came up. I hurt for the families that I recommended the lawyer to when they asked for other's opinion of him. I feel very used and I feel very tired of this whole thing. All I want right now is my complete file from the lawyer, untranslated. Every document, every slip of paper from FC, the embassy, PGN and investigations. I just want to be able to put the pieces together so that when Little Bug asks for his story, I can tell him the truth, I can tell him the story of his life and his adoption, without having to say that there are 2 versions, that one person knows the truth and he will not share it (the lawyer). I want to walk away from FTIA and never have to deal with anyone in the home office again. I hurt for my lost faith and for a little boy whose story is hidden by agendas and egos.

* I reviewed the referral packet again this week, there was one untranslated document (the agreement with Mireya, the lawyer and Little Bug's birth mother) that has a written out date of "sixteenth August two thousand and five". Easy to miss when you don't speak Spanish and your high school Spanish was 20 years ago. It is the only reference to Little Bug's birth mother making an adoption plan right after he was born.


Well, I have let it all out, maybe now I can let it all go and come to terms with the last 2 years.

Love to you,
Momma Bug