No pictures - jsut thoughts on the diffference a year makes

So, there are no pictures today, Little Bug and I had a rough start to the day. He woke up at 3:30 am with a wet diaper but refused to let me change it- which I knew meant that in 30 minutes he would want it changed. Sure enough at 4 am, he wanted the diaper changed and then decided that he was wide awake and needed Momma. So from 3:30 am- 5 am, he was basically awake and I was definitely awake. He went back to sleep fully at 5 am, and it took me another hour to get back to sleep. I talked with my mom today and put all the pieces together and determined that his 2 year molars are definitely coming in and he is in pain. So tonight after getting home and having dinner and getting his bottle, he got a dose of Children's Motrin in the hopes that it helps him sleep. I think I might have to give him more when he wakes up for his middle of the night/early morning diaper change. An update on the teething issue will be coming.

So on to thoughts on what a difference a year makes.

The summer of 2006 was not exactly the best summer of my life. It started out wonderfully with my first visit with Little Bug over Memorial Day, but quickly took a turn for the worse. My job was a nightmare and the adoption hit the first of many bumps in the road. In June, I got the news that the DNA test was authorized and would be done in mid June. At the end of June, I was told that the DNA test had not occurred and the lawyer was working on it. July started off with a trip to Germany for my nightmare job. 3 days after returning, I was out of job. So now I had an adoption that was stalled and no job. August loomed and it quickly became apparent that Little Bug was not coming home for his birthday. Yes, it would have been difficult to bring him home without a job, but it was a dream that I clung to. I was not even passed the DNA test and already families I started the process with were in PGN. It hurt so bad.

I wondered what I had done to God to deserve to be waiting still- it seemed my whole life had been about waiting. I spent so much time crying out about why this was happening to me. I look back at this time in my life and see the plan unfolding, the plan God had and the plan he is still showing me. Little Bug could not have come home in the summer, I would have not been able to support us both properly, he could not have come home before Christmas- his first family needed this time with him and I need to settle into my new job. Little Bug came home in God's perfect timing, not my timing, not my agency's timing, in GOD'S TIMING. God is so much bigger than our plans.

On a few friends' blogs there are some wonderful quotes that I would like to share with you:

1. Don't tell God how big the storm is, tell the storm how big God is.
2. People say that God does not give us more than we can handle, but the reality is that God does give us more than we handle, just so we can hand it back to him to handle for us.

The second quote is a picture of my life last summer- I hung on my problems thinking that God wanted me to handle them- but he was waiting to take them back from me when I was ready to give them up, to surrender to his plan. There were times last summer that I said I gave the adoption and the job to God to deal with and for the most part the job part did not worry me, but the adoption was something that I kept taking back and trying to work on myself. It took until this year before I handed it back to him for good- I told him that whatever the outcome was, it was his to provide- I had some other things to add to that, but I let it go. I let it go so much, that I was numb to the end of the adoption- I felt no joy, just relief to be done and anxiety that something would go wrong right at the end. I am still struggling with the feeling of joy. I am so focused on getting Little Bug bonded to me, getting the balance of life right, that I am missing the joy of being his Momma.

God does not want us to miss the joy or the blessings that he provides. If we give it all to him, then we are free to feel the joy, to experience the blessings, to be in the arms of the Most High God who loves us more than we can ever know. So I am giving this life, this family to God, because I want to experience the little joys in each day, the little blessings that come in the happy and sad times- I want to be drawn closer to the heart of God who loved me and Little Bug before we were formed in the womb- who knows my heart's desire. I want to live for God and to not live for the "just getting through this period". There is so much more to life than just getting through the next phase. I want to be a Momma that is a good example to a little boy, so that Little Bug grows up strong in his faith, living his life as a service to the Lord.

I hide my faith many times, but others have shown me the way- this is my blog, I am free to talk about my faith, my struggles and my life just as I am free to talk about the Little Bug. I expect that I might more frequently talk about my life and struggles, but the focus of this blog is to provide updates on Little Bug to his first family. So, there will still be pictures of my Little Bug, but sometimes I might have to step out and tell you all abut me life and struggles. I hope that you will continue to walk this journey with me

Love to you,
Momma Bug-