Yes- no pictures

Still no pictures- it was too cold to get out of the car to run the film into the store. Yikes, it stayed below 20 degrees here all day. I hate winter, I really hate it, can it be Spring now? I am done with snow, ice and below freezing temperatures. So far, Little Bug has not complained and I think he wanted to play with the snow today.

I am in such a mood lately and I think I figured it out today. Tomorrow, the search for Little Bug's birthmother starts and I am scared of what might be discovered. I "know" there is an older daughter- she was mentioned on Little Bug's referral paperwork but was not in the social worker report from Family court. I "know" there was a younger brother. According to SJI (adoption supervisors), his case was the reason Little Bug's case was pulled and sent to investigations- but again, this child was never mentioned in the social worker report.

EDITED: I will probably not post anything from the birthmother search- heck I might not even sahre with my family. The information is for Little Bug and for me to tell him his story.


I fear so many things- but perhaps that is just fear of the unknown. For many reasons, I am worried what the search will bring and how it will effect me and Little Bug in the future. I know to him and his first family- they are the only family he knew. But, I realize that one day he may want to know why an adoption was made for him. If I wait until then to search, it may be too late to find the answers, so searching now is the only the way to go.

I also know that my negative mood has been enhanced lately because for 7 months, everything I have done (minus the one overnight business trip) has been with Little Bug. I have never had time alone without him or work since he came home. Tonight, I rejoined the choir at church. I did not realize how much I missed the Wednesday night rehearsal, how much I needed it. I was so prepared yesterday to write a note and say I was not coming back this year, but then the assistant director wrote me and asked me point blank if I was going to be at rehearsal tonight and I could say no. So at 6pm, I walked out the door, leaving Little Bug with Uncle Dave and I had a wonderful time. Yes, things at choir had changed- I have a new seat, and my entire section sits in a new area- but I missed the ladies in my squad, I missed the group prayer and I most of all missed the time praise God through songs. I missed the peace that singing gives to me and how I feel recharged for the second half of the week. I missed the fellowship. I am glad to be back singing.

So that is the update for today- the weather tomorrow- colder than today!!!! I promise pictures though, I am going to run to the bank at lunch and I can drop the film off then and pick it up when I go to pick up Little Bug. He likes to go to this store- they have lots of "toddler" toys.

Love to you all and stay warm.

Deb AKA Momma Bug