Back from Chicago

No pictures tonight- I am still too tired but I thought I would give an update on the last few days.

Sunday: Little Bug, My mom and I boarded a plane to Chicago so I could attend a business conference that I was presenting at. I had submit my abstract for consideration before Little Bug's file was approved and I thought that if he was not home, at least I could see friends, support my organization and work on becoming recertified in my field. As it turned out, Little Bug was home 14 weeks before we took this trip and this is important.

This was the first plane ride he has been on since coming home. My mom commented on how different he was from that trip home from Guatemala. On that trip he slept the entire flight. This trip, he was looking out the window, playing with stickers, interacting with everyone. A good start to a 4 day trip. He was still OK (you are seeing the foreshadowing aren't you?) when we got to the hotel, but when we walked into the hotel room- everything fell apart. He was crying and upset that we were there. I was not allowed out of his sight and he was desperate to leave. My only conclusion is that he flashed back to the hotel in Guatemala and he was feeling that he was losing his "momma" again. We had already planned to meet up with 3 other families from my agency- 2 brought their girls home this year and one is on the Long Road Home with her son.
We headed out in the cab to the aquarium- NOTE to the hotel- it might be nice if you would warn folks that going to the aquarium on a home Football game Sunday is not a wise idea since we asked you for recommendations. In any case- what should have been a 10 minute taxi ride turned into 45 minutes and we were dropped off 1 block from the aquarium. We hung out until J family arrived. They are the ones on the Long Road Home. It was so great to see them and to be able to hug R. We headed off to look at the fishes, all the while, Little Bug was getting more and more quiet and more and more frantic if I was not touching him or right beside him. Everything fell apart at lunch, when he refused to eat and then he threw up. We cleaned him up and stay to watch the dolphin show- which he enjoyed and then headed out. We met one of the other families as we left but Little Bug was sleeping by that time. We had to walk out to Michigan Ave to catch a cab because by this time, the area was closed to traffic because of the football game.

Little Bug continued to go down hill after we got back to the hotel- it did not help that the conference started that night and I had to help with booth setup for the organization - part of my role as chair of the membership committee. I was able to eat dinner with Little Bug and my mom, but then I had to head down to the opening gala. Little Bug shut down completely and it was much like his reaction in Guatemala. He slept alot, but it was not good sleep and he would wake up when I came back to the room.

Monday- the conference started at 8:15 for me and we eat breakfast in the lobby- he ate nothing but 3 bites of yogurt. It was so hard to watch him struggling- he knew things were not right and he knew that the last time he was in a hotel, he lost everything he knew and loved and he was scared. He cried so much that he developed a constant sinus drip and chest congestion, and ran a low grade fever for the remainder of the trip. So between the schedule I had at the conference and the medication, he was not in the best place emotionally.

Monday night, I skipped the dinner and we headed to Navy Pier to the McDonald's- something familiar to him and a place that was fun. We saw the boats, rode a train and then rode the carousel and drove the motorized boats at the park. I saw Little Bug coming back - but then I tried to shop for some gifts for his first family and he completely melted down and we had to leave. I think if I had not said their names, it would have been OK- but I have been trying to tell him where we are going, what we are doing and why to help build his vocabulary and give him a sense of order and control in his day. This was so the wrong choice in Chicago. He fell asleep in the cab back (we walked to the Pier) and he continued to be out of sorts for the rest of the night.
I was so worried, I posted a prayer request to my yahoo group because I knew they would understand why he was struggling. Each of them is waiting for child or had brought home a child after a long wait and their children may deal with the same issue. I am so grateful to have them and to be able to pray with them as they need prayer. They are blessing and mercy from God in heaven.

Tuesday was a much better day- we found the McDonald's near the hotel so we could have breakfast there- Little Bug gets chocolate milk, a hash brown, and the fruit and walnut salad. I decided not to come back to the room during the conference after his reaction on Monday, so I got back to them after 5 pm. We walked to the park, played, saw fire trucks, and basically had a great day. Then I broke the rule again and tried to explain that Wednesday, we were going home. Well, that did it for the day- he was ready then and there was nothing to do to help him out.

Wednesday he did not eat more than 3 bites of food- he just wanted to be done with the whole trip. Even in the airport, he would drink juice but he would not eat more than a few bites. I knew he was losing weight and it was frighting me. His clothes were looser, his weight felt lighter in my arms and his back was much thinner. I just wanted to get him home.
We got back home at 8 pm- he said he was hungry, but he would only take his bottle.

This morning, he ate 3 bites of eggs and that was it. When I picked him up from daycare- he had not eaten anything all day- he refused it all. We went grocery shopping and then I fixed dinner for him. he asked for waffles and yogurt and THANK GOD he ate it. In fact, he asked me to make him more waffles and he dipped the waffles in the yogurt (not my idea of yummy food, but he liked it). He had fruit and jello before his bottle and he still drank 6 ounces of milk.

I can say this after this trip- knowing what I know now, I would have likely cancelled the trip- he was so stressed and lost almost 2 pounds in 4 days (he went from 26 pounds to 24 pounds). I am not sure it was the best physically for him. But, as others told me, now he knows that when we travel, we always come home together and I am not leaving him. Medically it was not a good trip. But on a bonding level, it was good trip. Given a choice, perhaps a trip in a few more months would have been better on a physical, medical and emotional level, but it is was it is and we got through it.

Little Bug seems better tonight- eating an playing. I think it might be a few more days/weeks before the whole thing can be processed, but we survived and sometimes that is all we can do.


Well, I should go sleep- I am still trying to catch up on sleep since I had a congested, burning with a fever Little Bug next to me for 3 nights and a "bear" in the other bed for 3 nights. I did not sleep well at all.

Love to you,
Momma Bug