Pictures tomorrow- yes we are fine!!

Wow- it has been a week since I last blogged. I had a business meeting out of town Tuesday-Thursday and then I had foster parenting class all day today.

I had a bunch of things to write about all week-
1. How airport screening in inconsistent
2. Buggisms- words and phrases Bug says on a regular basis
3. Life in general

But instead you get my thoughts on my foster parenting class and how Bug's adoption has given me more insight.

Our first class today (the morning) was on Separation and attachment- oh yes, the class that I have now taken 3 times in various forms, read a ton of info on the Internet, stressed over before Bug came home, cried over after Bug came home, etc.

We had scenario where we were given cases studies for children ages 11 months to 14 who were dealing with separation from the only care giver they had known to a new placement- either a new foster home or an adoptive home.


Scenario 2 came up- a 3 year old boy being adopted so he was leaving the only family he knew that included 4 teenage brothers that spoiled him with love. I lost it here- this one was so close to home with Bug's story. I got to share Bug's story, the reason for this blog, the ongoing contact we have with Carlos, Mireya, Suzy, Karla and Nigua.
I took this class in Aug/Sep of 2005- before I started the adoption process in Guatemala, but I don't remember these scenarios. I do know that it all resonated with me in such a profound way today. What really came to the for front was making sure that I get Bug's Life book done so we can read his story. We are coming on 1 year home. I have no idea what to do, but I want to sit and read him his story and show him the pictures- we do talk about it, and we look at pictures of his first family, but nothing is in the same place.

I think as this first year home starts to end, I am dealing with many emotions - emotions left from the process, emotions coming from being a first time momma, emotions for the future.
By now i had hoped for information on his birth mother to start sharing that part of his story, but the search for his birth mother was unsuccessful or inconclusive. She was not found, but her extended family was found. The searcher left her card with many families members in case his birth mother comes back to the town- but it could be years. So I sit wondering how to honor this homecoming anniversary- it is joyous for me, sad for Bug's first family, sad for his birth mother (although that might be sadder on his birth day), sad for Bug- for the lost he has gone through.
Bug is resilient, but still, he has grieved, he continues to grieve at various points, and I grieve with him for the hurt I can not take away.

I can tell this class really got to me- the whole thing makes me sad. Children are so the innocent ones in all this process- nothing is their choice, but in the end they carry the biggest burden. They have to figure out how to deal with the emotions of being thrust into situations that give many adults pause.

My Bug is so brave, so fragile, so open, so trusting, so loving, so content, so growing, so scared, so happy. He is paradox and open book. He is my heart.

Love to you,
Deb AKA Momma Bug