It just hurts

I will post pictures tomorrow from our wekend- we had a wonderful Saturday with a bunch of other families parented by Single Moms.


Bug and I were featured in a newspaper article on Thursday about women who choose to be single mom/parents. I thought the article was well done, although single moms who build their family via foster/adoption in US were not represented. In any case, in today's paper, the letters to the editor started showing up- 2 were published, both of which blasted the article for only showing professional women and glorifying being a single parent. One questioned whether we had the resources to parent if anything would happen to our jobs. What hurt the most was my dad sat and agreed out loud with everything the letter writers wrote. It just hurt to realize that underneath his acceptance of my choice, is really this belief that I will ultimately fail if I lose my job.
It does not matter that a 2 parent family could fail for the same reason, it only mattered that we were single moms who made this choice.
It just hurts that in his mind, I am second best, I am not going to succeed.

it is not like I have not thought through these things, it is not like I did not have to address them in my home study visits. I realize that I am sole breadwinner for Bug and I. I know that, I feel it each day. I just never thought that my dad felt I would not succeed in the end.

I never thought I would be a single parent, I never planned to be a single parent. I always and still want to be married, but I also always wanted to be a mom. I am no different then my cousins and most of the rest of my family- I am a parent first, marriage will come later- the only difference is that I did not give birth to my child, Bug, where they all gave birth first and then got married. That sounded harsh- but it true, I think I can cont on one hand my cousins who got married first and then had kids, the norm is get pregnant/have a child then get married.
Today's comments from my dad really got to me. I probably could have let them roll off my back if it was not for the other stress in my life right now. 3 more days and my brother moves out. I have more to say on that subject, but I need some time to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it. I do wish at times I had a private blog- then I would know who was reading and when. But since I have an open blog, I have to watch what I say at times. All I know right now is I wonder why the heck I moved back to my hometown to be closer to my family- because I am not feeling loved and supported.

So off to bed, maybe things will be better in the morning.

Love to you,
Deb