some more on normalacy

I am still thinking about this and I still have not had my fountain diet coke form MickeyD's (the folks on adoption.com probably understand).

My own normal has really taken a hit since Bug came home. what was normal before the adoption process no longer exists for me- job, lifestyle, etc. What became normal for me during the process disappeared in one moment in Guatemala when I went to bring Bug home.
Waiting has it's own pattern of normal- of waiting and hoping daily, hourly that the phone will ring with the call, of being disappointed again at the end of each day when the call does not come. The normal changes through the wait if you have a long wait (or at least it did for me). At first I was patient, then I became upset during the wait, then I was resigned and finally I was without hope that the adoption would ever finalize. I went from putting my life on hold while I waited to making plans as if Bug was never going to be there. Normal was planning on how to deal with another holiday without him, planning on what to send in the next package and when to to send it.
Once he came home, normal was struggling as a new parent- letting go of the dream life I envisioned (fantasy land) and realizing that our bonding was going to be longer and harder than I anticipated. Then that was changed when my brother moved. Suddenly it was a new normal and an attempt to find normal for the 3 of us. Then he moved (with some prodding) and again Bug and I found ourselves working on normal again, then my work load hit and normal went out the window. now here Bug and I are, still trying to find normal and some days we are close and some days we are at normal and other days we are so far off the mark it scares me.
But, the more I reflect, the more I think this is true for most families. Things happen in life and what was the normal can no longer be normal- a new baby, a job change, a death in the family, a natural disaster hits.
what matters is how we deal with the change to normal. right now, i am not open to change in our lives because we have no real point of reference, we are not standing on solid ground as a family (so to speak). I think until we are feeling more solid as family, any change to routine is hard for Bug and I to deal with. I do speak for Bug in this, he is cautious, he is timid in new situations, he is anxious if I am away from him- all signs of his need to be continually in an attachment parenting bond with me. With all the recent changes, he is back to sleeping in my bed, my goal is to try to have him sleep in his bed on Saturday night, but it might be a few more weeks before he sleeps in his bed again.

I really can't say how much change to normal Bug and I can take, but I recognize when we step over the line and we have gone too far. One too many changes and we are struggling. so the goal this fall is to get us back on routine that provides structure for us both, a schedule that will get us through to next summer. At that point I will reevaluate what we need as a family.
Somewhere is our "normal" and I think it is hidden inside a routine.


Love and hugs to you,
Deb