Monday, June 30, 2008

Bug needs a hug or a note at least from Koki

Koki left to return to Japan on 10Jun. Since then, it is regular occurrence for Bug to cry on the way home that he misses Koki. He is constantly telling me that he misses me while he is at Auntie Lulu's (while I work). He has started crying at bed time over how much he misses Koki.

I know that part of this is not just missing Koki, but finally having words to express some of the feelings from last year when he came home and he missed Popi Carlos, Momi Mireya and the girls. I know that he is finally able to say what he felt last year. But at the same time, i am struggling in how to help him through this change. With his homecoming, I made the decision to keep pictures up, to keep calling, to make Bug's first family my family. But with Koki, while we have pictures, that is about it. I tell Bug that we will see Koki again, I know Koki sends emails to Lulu and her family, but there is not the same contact that we have with Guatemala and to be honest, I doubt there will ever be.

I can work with Bug on missing his first family, but how do I help him with a friend? This is hard, it is hard to watch and Bug is not realizing that much of the emotion is coming from the lost he experienced last year- he just stops talking about it. It is so hard to watch. It is so hard to figure out what is really the trigger or what is really going on inside the head of a 2 year old. I am thankful for his language skills.- but they are still not enough to express everything and that is the struggle.

Here is all I can do:
1. Bug and I are going through the pictures of Bug and Koki to pick out a few to put up in his room
2. We talk about Koki and I tell Bug that we will see Koki again after he is done with school (I promised him a ticket back to the US after he graduates from college)
3. We will be sending gifts for Christmas

Am I missing something? what makes something abstract real to a toddler? How do I let him know that people will always come in and out of his life and it is OK?

Love and hugs to you,
Deb

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