June 2007- Bug was:
34 inches tall
March 2009- Bug is:
40 inches tall
Then- he was 21.5 months old
Now - he is 43 months old
Then- he had been home 1 day
Now- he has been home just as long as he was not (21.5 months)
Those are the stats- so black and white- it makes it seems that there is a break point- but that is not the reality. The reality is, that through this process, a larger family has been knitted together- I can not erase Bug's past (not that I want to), I can not change that he has not always been with me. But, I can embrace his past and make his story OUR story. We have shared the same journey from different perspectives. Some would say that he lost and I gained. But I say we both gained and e both lost something along the journey.
We both gained a family- our little family, me and him, we both gained new family- I gained Mireya, Carlos and the girls, he gained my extended family, I gained his birth mother, he gained her story. We have both lost things- I lost my life as a single, he lost a birth family and that relationship (although hopefully not forever).
As I think back to my emotions on 01Jun2007- I never thought we would be standing at this point- it seemed so far away. Now I see the journey that started with an application still stretches before us- we have had bumps in the road, we have been side tracked by drama- but our journey is really just starting.
I am closing this blog and starting a new one. This one is too wrapped up in the negative emotions and the early struggle as a new parent. I am ready to leave the negativity behind- I am ready to leave the lies and deception behind. In the end, I know they existed, Bug will know they existed, but I hold on to them and pass them to Bug, then the cycle is not broken. It is time to walk in the SONshine of my life, to say good bye to the clouds of darkness and pain. It is time to focus on who I need want to be and the man I want Bug to grow up to be.
Please join us on Monday 16Mar2009 at our new blog:
Love and hugs,
Friday, March 13, 2009
June 2007- Bug was:
Posted by Deb at 9:19 PM