Pictures tomorrow- yes we are fine!!

Wow- it has been a week since I last blogged. I had a business meeting out of town Tuesday-Thursday and then I had foster parenting class all day today.

I had a bunch of things to write about all week-
1. How airport screening in inconsistent
2. Buggisms- words and phrases Bug says on a regular basis
3. Life in general

But instead you get my thoughts on my foster parenting class and how Bug's adoption has given me more insight.

Our first class today (the morning) was on Separation and attachment- oh yes, the class that I have now taken 3 times in various forms, read a ton of info on the Internet, stressed over before Bug came home, cried over after Bug came home, etc.

We had scenario where we were given cases studies for children ages 11 months to 14 who were dealing with separation from the only care giver they had known to a new placement- either a new foster home or an adoptive home.


Scenario 2 came up- a 3 year old boy being adopted so he was leaving the only family he knew that included 4 teenage brothers that spoiled him with love. I lost it here- this one was so close to home with Bug's story. I got to share Bug's story, the reason for this blog, the ongoing contact we have with Carlos, Mireya, Suzy, Karla and Nigua.
I took this class in Aug/Sep of 2005- before I started the adoption process in Guatemala, but I don't remember these scenarios. I do know that it all resonated with me in such a profound way today. What really came to the for front was making sure that I get Bug's Life book done so we can read his story. We are coming on 1 year home. I have no idea what to do, but I want to sit and read him his story and show him the pictures- we do talk about it, and we look at pictures of his first family, but nothing is in the same place.

I think as this first year home starts to end, I am dealing with many emotions - emotions left from the process, emotions coming from being a first time momma, emotions for the future.
By now i had hoped for information on his birth mother to start sharing that part of his story, but the search for his birth mother was unsuccessful or inconclusive. She was not found, but her extended family was found. The searcher left her card with many families members in case his birth mother comes back to the town- but it could be years. So I sit wondering how to honor this homecoming anniversary- it is joyous for me, sad for Bug's first family, sad for his birth mother (although that might be sadder on his birth day), sad for Bug- for the lost he has gone through.
Bug is resilient, but still, he has grieved, he continues to grieve at various points, and I grieve with him for the hurt I can not take away.

I can tell this class really got to me- the whole thing makes me sad. Children are so the innocent ones in all this process- nothing is their choice, but in the end they carry the biggest burden. They have to figure out how to deal with the emotions of being thrust into situations that give many adults pause.

My Bug is so brave, so fragile, so open, so trusting, so loving, so content, so growing, so scared, so happy. He is paradox and open book. He is my heart.

Love to you,
Deb AKA Momma Bug

Around town and meeting a new friend

So today we headed downtown to visit D for the first time- he came home from Guatemala about a month ago. The weather was nice so I suggested taking the kids to the square to play. There is a fountain there- used to be in the middle, but was recently relocated to the corner.
On a non Bug note- I like the new location- you can actually be at the fountain and not be smack dab in the middle of whatever is going on. For example- today Red Bull decided to make snow (it was nearly 60 degrees) and have snow boarders and skiers do stunts on the square. The fountain- looking lovely. It was an added bonus that the water was flowing- sometimes if it is too cold or windy- there is no water.
3 Guatemalan cuties and some kid that decided he needed to be in the picture- from left to right- J, the kid who jumped in the shot, Bug and MK2. We are missing D- sitting in his stroller, N who was sick, and Y who was unable to make the get together.
Bug at the fountain- this is toward the end of our time there. For the first part- he refused to smile, look at the camera or interact with anyone.
Playing back by the wall. There are small jets of water that leap up. Bug and MK2 had a wonderful time sticking their hands and feet into the jets.
Then I showed them the water running down the wall- Bug decided to lean against the wall.

Throwing pennies into the fountain. I had enough for MK2 and Bug to throw pennies for awhile
MK2- she is growing up so fast- she looks like such a little girl now- loosing all the baby look. She is also growing tall- Bug is only a few inches taller than her now.
Bug getting ready to reach back into the little pool of water to get the penny. Yes, he soaked his sleeve
The 2 year old toddlers having a good time with the water.
Here is the first set of pictures- J, D and MK2. Bug refused to get in the picture. The kids are looking at the snow boarders and skiers.

It was a good day- we had lots of fun with other moms and kids. We got to talk and share what has been going on. I missed this. it seems in the winter, we all hole up in our houses- I wish we all lived in the same neighborhood. I would love to have the kids all together every day.

Well, I am worn out. So I am off to semi watch the NC vs Kansas game- I am rooting for NC.

Love and hugs to you,

Momma Bug

The news no one wanted to hear from JCICS and DOS

So today was the day that the US became Hague compliant. That means that as US citizens, we can only adopt from other Hague compliant countries. Guatemala is apparently not one of those countries according to the JCICS statement.
There is still hope that Guatemala will have their process in place and the US will deem is acceptable (by the way, when did the US become the decider?) and adoptions can start again. depending on where and what you read, it could be next week or another year at least.
I don't know what to say or think about this- except there are children who have a need for a home.
I recognize that processes need to be in place and procedures need to be set- but I foresee children being the ones who suffer in all the waiting and working out of details.

I made my decision today, I rescheduled the training classes to be a foster-to-adopt parent in my state. I set up my follow up home study for my adoption license with the state. Yes, I have to be licensed to be a foster parent even though it involves the same classes I took to become a licensed adoptive parent- go figure. So 4 Saturdays in classes, 4 more week night classes to make up the classes I will miss due to work travel, 2 more home study visits, another fire inspection, application, 5 letters of reference and another 6 months of waiting after all that and I should be licensed to be a foster parent. So realistically, it will be January of 2009 before I have a license to be a foster parent- then more waiting, more wondering. And being a foster parent is no guarantee that a child will be place with me that can be part of my family forever- because being a foster parent is really about helping reunite a family that is in crisis. The goal at the onset is always reunification of the birth family. 3 year ago I thought I would never be able to be a foster parent- I would not be able to love a child and then let them go- but every step of Bug's adoption journey brought me to realization that I could do it. It will be hard, it will be painful, it will not easy, but I can do it and I will do it- for Bug and for his first family who showed me the way.

I will not borrow trouble from tomorrow- each day is a new day and step by step I will get to the place I am supposed to be. All I want is sibling for Bug- my path to his sibling is just a Long Road Home for us all.

Please pray for the children and families in Guatemala,

love and hugs to you,
Deb AKA Momma Bug