June 2007- Bug was:
34 inches tall
24.6 pounds
March 2009- Bug is:
40 inches tall
30.2 pounds
Then- he was 21.5 months old
Now - he is 43 months old
Then- he had been home 1 day
Now- he has been home just as long as he was not (21.5 months)
Those are the stats- so black and white- it makes it seems that there is a break point- but that is not the reality. The reality is, that through this process, a larger family has been knitted together- I can not erase Bug's past (not that I want to), I can not change that he has not always been with me. But, I can embrace his past and make his story OUR story. We have shared the same journey from different perspectives. Some would say that he lost and I gained. But I say we both gained and e both lost something along the journey.
We both gained a family- our little family, me and him, we both gained new family- I gained Mireya, Carlos and the girls, he gained my extended family, I gained his birth mother, he gained her story. We have both lost things- I lost my life as a single, he lost a birth family and that relationship (although hopefully not forever).
As I think back to my emotions on 01Jun2007- I never thought we would be standing at this point- it seemed so far away. Now I see the journey that started with an application still stretches before us- we have had bumps in the road, we have been side tracked by drama- but our journey is really just starting.
I am closing this blog and starting a new one. This one is too wrapped up in the negative emotions and the early struggle as a new parent. I am ready to leave the negativity behind- I am ready to leave the lies and deception behind. In the end, I know they existed, Bug will know they existed, but I hold on to them and pass them to Bug, then the cycle is not broken. It is time to walk in the SONshine of my life, to say good bye to the clouds of darkness and pain. It is time to focus on who I need want to be and the man I want Bug to grow up to be.
Please join us on Monday 16Mar2009 at our new blog:
http://sonshineofmylife.blogspot.com/
Love and hugs,
Deb
Friday, March 13, 2009
Retrospective- How far we have come- a new beginning
Posted by Deb at 9:19 PM 2 comments
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The excitement in the neighborhood - the day after
Yesterday was an exciting day in the neighborhood. And not in a good way.
Remember, I work from home, I sit in my office, right next to the window. Yesterday was a gorgeous day- I had the windows open, letting in the fresh air. Lots of meetings and lots of heads down work on the computer.
About 2:30 pm- I hear the teenagers coming through the neighborhood. They walk through every day- right up the middle of the street- like cars are supposed to move for them instead of walking on the sidewalk (a topic for another day). I heard a noise- a crash or bang. I looked out the window and saw the neighbors very large trash can in the road and figured that was what I heard and I went back to work and my phone call.
My meetings ran late- until 5 pm and as I was finishing up the last call and getting my shoes on to go get Bug, the front door bell rang. It was Tony from next door. Apparently, the noise I heard was their front door being kicked in!!!! Of course I gave my statement to the police officer. I felt so bad, I was so wrapped up in my work, that I failed to look up when I heard the kids come through- so I have no idea which kids it was walking through the neighborhood- I could not give descriptions or anything other than "I heard voices". I feel bad because I did not investigate the noise I heard. But to be honest, with how windy it was yesterday and empty garbage cans being blown down and rolling down the street, I think I still would have assumed it was the can being blown over.
Everyone thinks it was kids, only a jar of loose change was taken- not the electronics, not the jewelry, not all the other stuff laying around- just the money jar.
It is quite unnerving though- to know I was home and someone broke in. I have checked from outside my house- someone outside can not see me in my office. This worries me. It also gives me more reason not to put my office down in the basement eventually. At least if I am upstairs I can easily see someone attempting to get in my house- being in the basement, I would feel trapped because the stairs would be between me and the door if someone came down the stairs.
Os things to think about. I am very grateful that no one was home next door- they have a little girl who is 9 months old.
Love to you,
Deb
Posted by Deb at 9:00 PM 0 comments
Monday, March 9, 2009
The begining of a new journey is coming
This is one cool umbrella stroller. It is a shame I did not look for it before our trip to Guatemala- although Bug probably would not have sat in it then. Hopefully he will like it enough at Disney, becuase there is no way I can carry him through the park at the end of the day- or whenever he decides he has had enough.
Love to you,
Deb
Posted by Deb at 9:00 PM 1 comments